How to Lose Friends' and Alienate People

As many of you know my sex life is going through a dry spell about the size of the Saraha.  Now for various reasons I feel that this is karma, I brought this upon myself.  However, this most recent adventure is cruel and unusual even by the universes standard of fuck you.  First and foremost, it's been well over a year.  And with that, its storytime:
So I went to a party (of course I went to a party, at which point does a bad life choice start out with not-a-party).  The night was awesome fun!  Met new people, hung out with some newer acquaintances, I like to think I made some new friends.  Now at some point or another everyone decided it would be a really good idea to go to the bar, "the bar's need us," was the excuse.  Take note children, the bar never needs you.
Bar number 1 went great.  There is nothing wrong with a bunch of adults playing a game of telephone on a Friday night.  I suppose I should say that at this point in the evening me and my poor life choice have perhaps said "Hi" to each other.
Bar 2 is where things get fuzzy, or completely blank if I'm being honest (Pro tip: Don't combine whiskey, mascato, and rum and cokes).  The last thing I remember is BSing with a friend (an actual friend, I know I'm surprised too). To my questionable recollection I and poor life choice have had yet to have a conversation. And then...
Hello 8am, where the fuck am I?  Did I...Oh...I did.  How the fuck?  I really want to know what crazy pants events led to crazy no pants events.  And I don't even have the foggiest idea.
But seriously universe, its been over a year and when I finally get some, its in such a manner I don't even kind of remember!?  That's just cruel.

It's shit like this...

I don't know what is wrong with people.  Maybe its just the time of year?  I really don't get it.  But I will tell ya what I am getting really fucking tired of the following questions:
"Are you married?"  No, do you see a ring?  Or anything that would suggest someone gives two shits about me.  No you don't.  However this leads to the inevitable question:
"Have you ever been married?" First off are you fucking serious?  I still get asked if I'm still in high school!  Sure, I'm kind of a fuck up, but I don't have a "starter marriage" under my belt already.  However the stupid round of questioning doesn't end up there.  Oh no, people have to establish just how miserably lonely I am so:
"Do you have a boyfriend?"  No...I'm kinda pathetic like that.
"Oh, so do you have kids then?"  Of course this is a logical explanation for my 'single' status!?  I mean clearly being 24, not completely haggard looking and not having a significant other must mean I have an amazing amount of baggage, right?  No, you asshole I don't have a kid.  Birth control isn't that complicated ya know and since I have an IQ higher then that of, say a rock, I have managed to avoid any annoying, squalling two legged shit machines.  Thanks.
The response to all of this:
"Smart girl, you'll have more fun if you just do your own thing."
Fuck you!  I would love to have someone to keep my feet warm at night, to laugh with (or at), or just to zone out with.  Instead I think I'm just going to go eat a pint of Ben&Jerry's.