All your bases dos belong to me!

Once we were lovers,
Then we were friends,
Now we ain't either,
And that's where it ends.
Cordial.
That all depends,
because you've got better things to do,
And people who will treat you right.
Baby, tried as hard I could
But I ain't going old with you,
Seems like all we do is fight,
This will be our last goodnight. 
-Matt Hopper

I have had the honor of having about 3 people in my life who are completely asexual.  I think they are winning. Really though, they get to enjoy all of their days without worrying about what some guy is thinking or not thinking about them.  They don't have to worry about getting bitch slapped in the ovaries just when you've accepted that maybe you really can give up on men.  They don't constantly quest after then unattainable. Or maybe this is just a me problem. Sex makes me miserable and insane.  Both when I'm getting some and when I'm not. When not enjoying the attention of the rougher sex (heheh) I go back and forth with myself about why no one likes me and blahblahblah.  You know, just kind of turn into a big ball of unattractive insecurity.  I would also like to smack anyone who ever says "You just need to get laid."  It is the exact same thing when I do get some.  It's the whole "he's not really into me, why doesn't anyone like me blahblahblah. Then again I may just be a miserable and insane person, but I don't believe that.  Well the miserable part anyways.  I'm insane for sure, but at least it isn't the kind that requires pills.

How to Lose Friends' and Alienate People

As many of you know my sex life is going through a dry spell about the size of the Saraha.  Now for various reasons I feel that this is karma, I brought this upon myself.  However, this most recent adventure is cruel and unusual even by the universes standard of fuck you.  First and foremost, it's been well over a year.  And with that, its storytime:
So I went to a party (of course I went to a party, at which point does a bad life choice start out with not-a-party).  The night was awesome fun!  Met new people, hung out with some newer acquaintances, I like to think I made some new friends.  Now at some point or another everyone decided it would be a really good idea to go to the bar, "the bar's need us," was the excuse.  Take note children, the bar never needs you.
Bar number 1 went great.  There is nothing wrong with a bunch of adults playing a game of telephone on a Friday night.  I suppose I should say that at this point in the evening me and my poor life choice have perhaps said "Hi" to each other.
Bar 2 is where things get fuzzy, or completely blank if I'm being honest (Pro tip: Don't combine whiskey, mascato, and rum and cokes).  The last thing I remember is BSing with a friend (an actual friend, I know I'm surprised too). To my questionable recollection I and poor life choice have had yet to have a conversation. And then...
Hello 8am, where the fuck am I?  Did I...Oh...I did.  How the fuck?  I really want to know what crazy pants events led to crazy no pants events.  And I don't even have the foggiest idea.
But seriously universe, its been over a year and when I finally get some, its in such a manner I don't even kind of remember!?  That's just cruel.