Weasel's Half-assed Guide to Improper Canning

Today I spent the day canning Coho.  They start out life looking kind of like this:

This is actually a Chinook smolt.  Shhhh...don't tell anyone.

And eventually grow up into this:

These may also be kings...what I've never taken a picture of a silver.  Don't judge me.

Once you get them all filleted and vacuum packed you throw them into your freezer until you forget they are in there.  At some point you will clean out your freezer and find two years worth of frozen fish that you don't want to throw away and also don't want to eat anytime soon, so you start to can them.
After some fish has been lost in the freezer for a few years, there will be casualties:

Ewww.

First you cut them into little chunks:

So, I'm lazy and never mark my packages, but some of this is also chum and pink.

Then you get your cans all ready to go:

Next, you shove all the fish in a can:

It makes a very interesting squeltching noise.

Once you get all the fish in the cans and lids on the cans you put them in the pressure cooker:

And then stare at said pressure cooker for about an hour and a half:

Seriously.

Once the pressure is back to normal you can pull out the cans and let them cool for the next 12 hours or so.  Why do you ask?  Because they are boiling and sometimes that can be kind of creepy.

The Tell-Tale Salmon?

So there is your (in)complete guide to piss poor canning technique (for the love of whatever, please do not follow these instructions to actually can, you will either blow yourself up or end up with botulism).