Weasel's Half-assed Guide to Improper Canning

Today I spent the day canning Coho.  They start out life looking kind of like this:

This is actually a Chinook smolt.  Shhhh...don't tell anyone.

And eventually grow up into this:

These may also be kings...what I've never taken a picture of a silver.  Don't judge me.

Once you get them all filleted and vacuum packed you throw them into your freezer until you forget they are in there.  At some point you will clean out your freezer and find two years worth of frozen fish that you don't want to throw away and also don't want to eat anytime soon, so you start to can them.
After some fish has been lost in the freezer for a few years, there will be casualties:

Ewww.

First you cut them into little chunks:

So, I'm lazy and never mark my packages, but some of this is also chum and pink.

Then you get your cans all ready to go:

Next, you shove all the fish in a can:

It makes a very interesting squeltching noise.

Once you get all the fish in the cans and lids on the cans you put them in the pressure cooker:

And then stare at said pressure cooker for about an hour and a half:

Seriously.

Once the pressure is back to normal you can pull out the cans and let them cool for the next 12 hours or so.  Why do you ask?  Because they are boiling and sometimes that can be kind of creepy.

The Tell-Tale Salmon?

So there is your (in)complete guide to piss poor canning technique (for the love of whatever, please do not follow these instructions to actually can, you will either blow yourself up or end up with botulism).

One Day in July (Fuck you ALL!!)

This town cannot handle it's sunshine.  I have seen some weird ass shit today.  And talked to some rude ass people.  These following three events all occurred on the same day in the same place: Hillbilly (Mountain) Point.
WTF!? Exhibit 1:  Why yes, that is a large native man subsistence trolling on a jet ski.  Thanks for asking.  (If your curious he caught a halibut and 2 silvers).

WTF!? Exhibit 2:  So, what do we have here?  I believe its a 1/4 ton pickup trying to haul a 32ft boat on a trailer with a broken winch attached to a tow hitch that is two small for the truck hitch it's attached too.  And before you ask the only reason this boat hasn't done a belly slide back into the ocean yet is because it is resting precariously on its brand new kicker.  Was alcohol involved?  Of course it was!  Was this the busiest I've seen it this year at Mountain Point? Of course it was!

WTF!?  Exhibit 3:  Ok, this one doesn't have a picture, but it goes as follows:
You stupid, arrogant, overfishing, douchebag!  I dare you to call me "Darling" again in that condescending fucking tone.  Oh you think your all cool with your big shiny new boat.  Your not.  I put up with a lot of shit for this job.  I didn't even fucking bat an eye when you made a comment about my ass while I was measuring your halibut.  I was only mildly irritated when you wouldn't tell me what area you were fishing in...after I had already measured your fucking fish.  Nope, what pushed me over the edge is when you said, "How 'bout you just point to the map and circle an area, cause I'm not going to tell you where I was fishing, darlin'.  Have a nice day, darlin'.
I dare you to say darlin' again.  I know damn well that you had about 12 other fish in your fish hold, I watched you pull them all out to clean them, I'm neither blind, nor stupid.  I also happen to know you were fishing in Annette waters.  How do I know this?  Dude trolling on a jet ski told me.
Let me explain to you what will happen the next time you try this little trick.  First, I don't know if you know this but I'm both incredibly clumsy and play roller derby.  These two skills will tragically combine themselves and you will find yourself swimming in the waters of the Bog of Eternal Stench...I mean Mountain Point.  And if that isn't bad enough, I also have the troopers on speed dial.


So yep, that was one day in July...just one...fuck this month...fuck the sunshine...and just fuck.