Fish: I can drink like them

Hangovers are gods way of saying he disapproves of last nights activities.  Anytime you wake up and your first thoughts are "Oh, my head." and "Did I lick an ashtray?" you've done wrong.  Before you even open your eyes you have to establish just how bad it is.  And while replaying the evenings earlier events in your head it is very important to immediately determine how it ended.
Step 1:  Consider for a moment what you are wearing (or not).  If you still have your shoes on you probably didn't do anything too crazy (unless you're in jail...or you're that one girl in high heels in a miniskirt--cause you did something kinky).

Step 2: If you remembered to take you shoes off, did you remember to keep your pants on? If so; impressive!  Girl in the miniskirt: this does not apply to you, even if your skirt is still on...ya did something kinky.

Step 3: If your naked ass is hanging out for all the world to see you must now determine if you made it home.  This requires opening your eyes (and maybe holding your breathe).  Are you in bed (your bed?), the couch, curled up around the toilet after a long night of worshiping the porcelain god?  Or maybe your soaking wet in your tent that you forgot to put the rain fly onto because you got distracted by something shiny further out in the woods.  Girl in the mini skirt: Should you find yourself in the tent situation start running I feel a bad horror movie about to happen.

Step 4:  Look for other signs of life.  IF you find someone you can use their looks to determine how fucked up you were the night before.  If they're attractive good for you, take 'em out to breakfast, you never know it could be the start of something beautiful. Chances are though, you're having a coyote ugly moment (told you god disapproved of what you did last night).

Step 5: Make good with your escape.  (Mini skirt girl you should have done this 2 steps ago, if not by now you are probably locked in someones basement and are about to be made into a person suit or something equally as iconic.)  Make a fast grab for your shit and run out the first convenient exit.   This can be anything: the front door, the back door, the window (to the third floor fire escape in -40F without gloves or a jacket), or if your miniskirt girl you best start digging a tunnel.

Congratulations, you have successfully navigated through the first 10 minutes of your hangover.  I would walk you through the rest of the steps, but I'm standing out on the sidewalk and don't remember where I left my car.